(Evening Day 6) Trying to forget (Open)

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

Sitting by one of the deck lanterns, Qian-Fan was back in his shipboard clothes, hair tightly bound in it's long braid. He had his back to Lanka and was busily reading through his spell scrolls, silently mouthing the proper sutras over and over until he had them down by rote.

Eventually he dropped the scrolls in his lap and sighed loudly. Normally he loved reading. Scrolls, histories, pillow books, dusty Lion accounts of wars long gone, but here he just couldn't concentrate properly. Too much on his mind, too much happening and he refused to turn and look at the damnable city that he blamed for it all.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko loved the night, even if the night was surrounded by the lights of a gaijin city, one that was probably doomed. Not that she knew too much about how bad things were, but there were others who probably did. Making her way, she spotted a woman (has to be a woman, right? with hair like that?), one of her crewmates, a Phoenix.

While she had not gotten the chance to properly introduce herself, Seiko recalled that this one had been present for some time. She bowed as she got close enough to Qian-Fan.

"Good evening, Agasha-san. Have the Fortunes blessed you this day?"

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

He turned at the sound of her voice and returned the bow.

A Crab. Good, no need to dress things up in false niceties.

"No, I believe the Fortunes have chosen to test this one with misfortune and calamity today."

While the appearance may suggest female, the voice does not.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko hastily revised what she knew about the Agasha the moment she heard his voice. Then his words sunk in.

"I see." She paused. "Well, no. I do not. I have not been privy to the events in the gaijin city. Most of my time has been spent on board, if I can help it."

Another pause. The Kaiu seemed to be staring off into space, as if lost in thought or unable to focus on the Agasha. She seemed unsure of what to say next. Asking for information, offering to distract him from his troubles... kami, she didn't even know if she should be politely introducing herself as if everything was normal!

"Is the test of the Fortunes better to be handled alone or with companions?"

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"Well, I have tried dealing with it alone and from my continued distraction it's evident that I am getting nowhere in figuring my way through things."

He realised he hadn't truly spoken to this Crab woman at all during their service on the Half Moon, or surely he would have recognised the same detached and distant demeanour that he himself wore the majority of the time. Or had worn, he corrected himself. Lately that demeanour had cracked many many times like a porcelain doll dropped on a wooden floor.

"I do not believe we have spoken much for being crewmates, Kaiu-san. I am Agasha Qian-Fan."

[Kaiu Seiko]

"Iie, we have not," Seiko replied. "This one is Kaiu Seiko, former crew member of the Thunder of Osano-Wo."

She gave a polite bow.

"Mostly, my duties have been below, during repairs and other carpentry. Since I tend to keep to myself mostly, our meeting until now is no surprise."

There was another pause as she reflected on his earlier words. "I have tried dealing with it alone and from my continued distraction it's evident that I am getting nowhere..." She paused in thought.

"I do not wish to distract you from your thoughts if your thoughts are those you crave," she said at last, preparing herself to go or stay as the Agasha wished.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"I have proved unable to keep my thoughts on what they should be alone. Perhaps some company would help the focus. One cannot remain the distant samurai in solitude forever. Not on a ship this small."

He offered a small smile and packed his scrolls back into his satchel.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko nodded.

"I cannot fathom your troubles, as I have yet to know anything about you, so why don't you start talking and I'll start listening, and we will see what happens, neh?" Crab pragmatism at work here.

She settled herself into a comfortable sitting position to hear what the Agasha had to say.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

Crab then, always getting straight to the point.

"Where to start, Kaiu-san? Look at where we are."

He swept his arm behind him without looking, indictating the whole of Lanka.

"A garish barbarian settlement that is, by all accounts, doomed. Perhaps within a few days. Maybe longer. They need our help. We need to scout this possible threat to the Empire. In doing so one of my clan had perpetrated a terrible act. I try to advise to our Captain that Junpei-san should be kept and then handed to the Inquisitors back in the Empire, but my lack of communication skills has led to himbeing handed over to the gaijin and suffering their punishments. How that will damage his soul i do not know, but I feel partly responsible. Better a clean end with honour than gaijin corruption."

Some of the anger drained as he reached the next part.

"A more personal test is to see one who I am beginning to care for in the arms of another not six feet from where I was sat."

He had the proper Rokugani manners to blush at admitting that.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Lots to take in.

Seiko nodded at all the right places, but the details about how bad things were had escaped her. Really, she was too secluded at times, it seemed. However, all of this made it easier for her to remain calm.

"Much of this is new to me, I admit. So for just telling me, I thank you. It helps clear away my ignorance." She paused. "I have to confess no small curiosity about the ones involved that you care for so much."

It was only one, but by broadening it a little, it suggested a more... camaraderie. Even if both of them knew it already to be otherwise.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"It was only one . . . . . "

His brain worked through her meaning and grasped the 'out' a moment after it should have. Time to brazen it out and carry on regardless.

"My clanmates are always dear to me. Especially when we are far from home."

[Kaiu Seiko]

Luckily (or was it unluckily) for Qian-Fan, Seiko had not gotten a chance to really meet everyone on-board the Half-Moon. Her mind raced as she tried to remember all the Phoenix.

Let's see... Isawa-gunso, of course. Fulmar, who can forget him. Two Shiba women, both on the small side. And Agasha-san should be the last one.

Then Seiko remembered what Sugita had mentioned about Isawa O-Washi and Daidoji Fuichi having kissed... right in front of him... and Agasha Qian-Fan...

Oh. Oh dear.

"Of course, Agasha-san. But even Isawa-gunso would point out that we are all part of the Ninth now." Then, remembering his earlier mentioned unhappiness, she added, "We are all in this together. If things are as bad as you say they are, you should not be looking to just your Clanmates for support."

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"I am avoiding my clanmates rather than looking to them for support. Normally I would find solace in my scrolls or my books but, as you say, it is other crew that I should be talking to."

Another half smile.

"And here we are."

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko was quiet. In a way, Qian-Fan's emotional turmoil was...

"Agasha-san, may I ask you for your opinion on the Sins? To be exact, the Sin of Desire?"

She wanted to blurt out a few things, but hesitated. She did not know this Phoenix that well, and such thoughts that she wished to explore would take time.

Patience.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"Desire draws a samurai from duty. Destroys their honour and makes them do foolish things."

It seemed to be more of a learned rote than an actual opinion.

"But as in many things there are degrees of Desire. Some are just minor temptations, easy to ignore, easy to maintain your honour and on. Others are stronger and are harder to put off or ignore."

That sounded more like a true opinion from his manner and voice.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko nodded.

"So if I wanted something, say, sushi for breakfast, that would not be Desire, because it does not pull me away from my duty."

It seemed like a simple enough way to determine when something was forbidden or not.

"And if our duty is not to fraternize, then to do so would be Desire, neh?"

She ignored the sinking feeling in her stomach as she anticipated Qian-Fan's response - although she got a small amount of cold comfort in the idea that he was going to suffer just as much or more in the near future as he answered that question the way Seiko believed he would.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

He closed his eyes and sighed.

"I believe you have the right of it, Kaiu-san. Fraternizing with other crew members onboard the ship is most definitely an expression of Desire. Not only a sin, but denied to us by our orders. We would be breaching both our Duty and our Honour to fall to such base emotions."

Knowing the answer did not make it any easier.

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko paused in thought.

"But if you did such a thing, you have done it. It is to be accepted and then we are to move passed it. To fixate on it, to obsess over it will lead to Regret."

Wait...

She blinked.

"Fraternizing is a problem because it is what is done on the ship. That is why it is one of the rules."

The Kaiu seemed to be trying to mentally work something out, but wasn't quite sure she had it correct.

[Agasha Qian-Fan]

"It can cause mistrust, jealousy and ill will. Things that cannot be permitted to continue onboard. In a kyuden there is space to separate those in such a tryst. Not on a kobune."

He paused to see her reaction.

"Hence the rule."

[Kaiu Seiko]

Seiko nodded, trying to ignore her own sinking feeling.

"That which happens off the ship isn't allowed on board," she ventured, although she felt that explanation was skirting the purpose of the rule. It felt more like what wasn't allowed on board wasn't supposed to happen between crewmates even when they went on land.